A weekend of love for Grammie

On one of the busiest weekends of the year, August long weekend, I loaded my car with treasures on the Thursday night. Large stuffed sea otter from Alaska cruise; check. One quarter of my treasured 100% cotton quilt fabric in large white garbage bags; check. Serger machine in box; check. A large bag of small stuffed animals, birds, bears and more of the same; check.

Carefully selected for the recipients. My eldest daughter is self sufficient and successful beyond her years. She and her husband are building their second home and she wants to make stuff out of quilt fabric. She wants to use the serger. The grand boys will want to open treasures too – hence the abundance of stuffies!

The most important reason for this last minute trip: to see and hold and hug and love those grandbabies. My heart skips a beat as I prepare. Will Luke remember me? Why do I have this fear? Say the mantra and let it go. “I love you; I am sorry; please forgive me; thank you”. Releasing the voices of my memories and self doubts that may have started in many generations past. Poof, in the moment, they are gone. Leaving me with my excitement and anticipation of a wonderful adventure that I surely will remember in my heart the remainder of my days.

I leave from Victoria and start driving. Some 8 hours later I arrive at their home and am ushered in to the room at the resort where we stay while the house is being built. All are sleeping. My excitement will stay with me till morning.

Early I am woken by the sound of the phone, my daughter says “we are up, come on over”. I say the mantra to clear the doubts and space and leave only inspiration.

I rush. As I walk toward their place there he is -in the hallway and he begins to run. Arms outstretched, knowing his grammie is there. A bit of shyness as he searches the recesses of memory from several months ago and finds me. He hugs me. My day is complete. Should no other wonderful moment happen this day, I have found the pinnacle of my success. I have felt the dream come true. I explode in love for this little boy. His mom watches on and I feel such love for the little girl that I raised and the mom she has become.

Fast forward a few days and I am now heading home. Back to Victoria. I shed tears as I left and hoped he would not see. I don’t want him to have one sad moment from our visit. Savor only the precious hugs, books we read and songs we sang. Ice cream we ate, animals we saw at the farm, muffins we made in the heat of the day, juice we drank, jammies we put on, baths he had, meals we ate, kisses we shared. Goldfish kisses, he is starting to learn. Buckets of kisses from grammie … as we read from one of the books about how to fill up the buckets of your loved ones. “When the moon hit’s the sky, like a big pizza pie, that’s amore, la la la la la la.” He learns new words, Pinnochio, electricity, cinnamon, zucchini.

I cried for a while, feeling nothing but love and a tightness in my heart for this relationship.

Till next time, little one. And for Jack as he also grows old enough to remember his Grammie. I send hugs and love bigger than I can describe.